im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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