"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
