his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
