When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The uberlube is also flammable
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
