i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
