I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
