you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
