Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
