I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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