but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
