I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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