you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
