when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
