remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
