Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My ass is underappreciated
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
