did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize