Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
