Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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