hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Im part way to drunk.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
