We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
