Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
