ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
