we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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