I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
