whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
