i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
