meet me or not, i'm out of control
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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