Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
