Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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