So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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