I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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