This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
