The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
