Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
