"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
