My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I had to cum in my sink.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
