He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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