But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
