shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
