the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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