she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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