Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
