doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
