I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize