Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
