my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
