i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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