i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
