Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
