you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
