is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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