Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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