just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
