he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
