I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
