Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
