How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
