I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
