thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
