Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
