Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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