she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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