You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize