wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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