he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
