we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
