You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
