Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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