I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
