Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
