I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize