it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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