Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
