This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize