I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
