Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
