The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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