Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
now i know why i became what i already was.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I think my moral compass just broke
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
