Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
