hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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