I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
