After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
