I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
